Well, I've decided to give blogging a try again. But this time, I'm not trying to blog about my every day activities or my family. I've decided to just blog about losing weight.
I guess I should start this story with why I am where I am today. Prepare for a novel. I think it started when my parents got divorced? I was around 5. Although, I'm actually not 100% positive because I've always been overweight. Even in my 5th grade class photo I stand out as the chunker.
For the first part of my childhood, my mother was a single mom raising two boys and a girl (I'm the youngest) she worked a lot, and didn't have a lot of money. This resulted in a lot of sloppy joes and hamburger helper. I can't blame my mom at all. She did the best she could taking care of us, however it did set the health bar pretty low for me. When my mom got re-married, we became a family of 7. Now, 4 teenage boys and me. Still didn't have a lot of money, so we continued to eat not-the-most-healthy things (although they were delicious!) A few of my favorites? Campfire Stew- hot dogs, potatoes and onion cooked together in the pan. Who knows if there was oil? butter? but let's be honest, Hot dogs and potatoes on the regular probably didn't do my teenage waste line any good. Smooth Dinner- this dish was such a favorite, we gave it it's own name. In our house, the word" smooth" implied something was really good or cool. So, smooth dinner was just soooo good it got it's own moniker. What exactly was smooth dinner? Well well well, it was basically macaroni and cheese with hamburger mixed in. But, my step-dad makes a darn good mac n cheese. So creamy and delicious. I remember my mom buying those discounted cheese ends they sold in the deli section all the time, and now I know why! haha. Tortillas and Cheese- This I guess is like a quesadilla, just not fancy. It was two round tortillas, pan fried with cheese inside. Again, tasty but not healthy in any way.
I don't know how often we would have these dishes growing up, but I do remember they were a favorite. I also don't remember having many fruits or veggies growing up. I can remember Chuck (my step-dad) microwaving peas and corn but I don't really remember eating them.
That was the start of my bad habits I guess. And again, I don't blame my mom or step-dad at all. They did what they could do raising us, and there does come a time in ones life when they have to be held responsible for themselves, and it comes way earlier than 27 ;-)
My life continued, I ate badly, I went through a battle of bulimia around my senior year of High School. I have vivid memories of eating whole pints of Ben and Jerry's and purging. Ice cream was always my favorite because it came up the easiest. I also vividly remember making the conscience decision to stop making myself throw up. I never went to any sort of therapy, I don't even think I told anyone what was going on, I just remember saying to myself "Katy, you need to stop doing this" and I did. I also continued to struggle with my weight.
In college I started to do Weight Watchers. My mom was doing it, and she would let me borrow her things to know how many points I should have. I ended up losing a decent amount of weight, but I went the frozen dinner route. I ate a lot of frozen meals so I lost weight, but I didn't learn how to eat in the "real world" which lead to me gaining all the weight back.
So, now I'm here. I've still done the Yo Yo and I even lost weight before I got pregnant, but I never fully committed myself to keeping it off. I joined Weight Watchers again July 2013. I decided not to tell anyone I was (am) doing it, not even my husband. I know I will tell him, and he'll obviously notice I'm losing weight, but I didn't want to tell him and then fail. I didn't want to say "Oh, I'm counting my points" and then a week later have him say "Are you tallying this up?" as I have a dinner that I'm not tallying up. I don't know why, but I've always been the type of person who caves when I feel judged. So, if someone says "You need to get to the gym" I go through the battle of "F-YOU" and "Wow, I'm so fat and gross and disgusting, why do they even like me?" so I don't take little remarks well, even if they are coming out of the most kind place in someones heart, to me it's always a knife in my gut. HENCE me not telling anyone I re-joined the WW.
In the past 7 weeks, I've lost a total of 14.3lbs and I'm feeling pretty darn good. I've really done a good job at logging my points and staying active. When I made the decision to sign up this time, I knew that this current life I'm living will be the most free time I'll ever have. I'm not working, We got a BOB stroller, I have a gym with a child center, it's summer etc. etc. I knew if I couldn't get off my rear-end now, I'll never be able to quite like I can now. So I did.
I don't really know what my method for this blog will be, but I know it will be therapeutic. I plan on updating with different meals I've had, good moments, bad moments and I'm sure some pictures. I have no idea how often I'll post, how emotional I'll be, but I know there's others out there who are going through this, and HOPEFULLY I never do again, but if so I know where to look for a reminder of where I can be.
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